Purée!

Last week, we invited French friends to dinner. During the conversation, I noted that Marie would say “Purée!” instead of swearing or saying some other mild oath.

“Purée” is an example of how food terms are inserted into the French language everyday. It makes sense: food and food preparation are extremely important in France. As I have said before, it is not easy to find a bad meal here. The French also seem to appreciate and support local (and fresh) foods more. 

I wrote about food idioms before (2013) but I have since learned some more. Hats off to French food and its place in French conversation. Here are some more French food idioms:

haut que trois pommes - as high as three apples (very short, knee-high to a grasshopper )

mettre du piment dans sa vie - put some spice in your life

avoir la pêche – to have the peach (feeling peachy, to be in fine shape)

Avoir un cœur d’artichaut - have the heart of an artichoke (falls in love easily, give one’s heart easily)

Etre pressé comme un citron - to be squeezed like a lemon (squeeze someone dry)

Raconter des salades - to tell salads (to lie)

Les carottes sont cuites - the carrots are cooked (all is lost, no hope)

Rouler quelqu’un dans la farine - Roll someone in the flour (to dupe someone, to play someone)

Faire le poireau - Act like a leek (hang around, stay too long)

And last, but not least:

La cerise sur le gâteau - The cherry on the cake (the icing on the cake).

Purée! The French have a lot of expressions based on food.

As smart as a pickle

Food and cuisine hold prominent places in French culture. As one might expect, food is the topic of many French idioms.

« Occupe-toi de tes oignons » or “Mind your own onions” is the French way of saying “Mind your own business”. One of the kids at the crèche was more interested in the puzzle that another child was working on so the teacher said: “Occupe-toi de tes oignons” and finish your own puzzle. The teacher was stereotypically French: « maigre comme un haricot, mince comme une asperge » (skinny as a string bean, an asparagus).

Our friend was taking his French friend to the store and driving slowly as they talked. The French passenger said: « Appuyez sur le champignon et allez plus vite ! » (push on the mushroom and go faster !) or “Step on the gas!”

We were at an apéro and our hostess was talking about her son-in-law and some of the stupid things he did and she referred to him as a « cornichon » (literally a pickle, figuratively a nitwit). The week following, I arrived at the crèche to see all of the children and teachers dressed up in costumes representing fruits or vegetables. I told one teacher that I did not have a costume and she smiled and said: “Then you can be the 

« cornichon ».” I decided that « le ver est dans le fruit » (the worm is in the fruit), i.e., it is too late to do anything about it. This is the truth. I am not about to « raconter des salades » (tell salads - stories).

My hair is « sel et poivre » (salt and pepper – the same as in English) though much more sel than poivre these days…

And don’t forget: « le poisson d’avril » (April fish – April Fool’s Day) will soon be here. Watch out for children who stick a paper fish on your back and then run away shouting “poisson d’avril.”

Spring

We have been watching for spring since the beginning of February. When Ellen was at the Institut de Français in Villefranche sur mer, hints of spring were already evident. The almond trees with their pinkish-white (or whitish-pink blossoms) were first to welcome the sun. Then, being close to the Mediterranean, the mimosas bloomed and there were hillsides covered with the yellow mimosa blossoms.

I once heard that spring travels north at a rate of 50 miles per week. It has been six weeks since Ellen left Villefranche sur mer so we have had the time to see the same hints of spring pass us here and see the real thing arrive. New leaves are coming out on the deciduous trees and the blossoms are on the fruit trees (cherry and apricot). The temperatures have hit 20 Celsius (about 70°) for the last couple of days and we have not had a frost since the Ides of March.

Another, man-made sign of spring is that the grape vines have been pruned and are ready for a new season of buds and branches to fill in with grapes. Between November and the end of the frost season, vintners and their helpers go into the vineyards are cut back all of the branches that produced grapes the previous summer. As winter progresses, one can see more and more fields of pruned grape vines. One vintner explained that they cut back all of the branches but leave enough so that the roots can produce another four to six buds. As these develop during the spring and early summer, the workers go back into the fields and remove half of the new growth thus concentrating the flow of earthly riches to a few remaining branches. This gives the wines more body and thus flavor.

Although folks sit outside in the café all winter long, the café terraces are now filled with people enjoying their coffee or glass of wine (or pastis) as they enjoy spring and watch the world walk by. We are off to join them!  Wave if you walk by, better yet, come and join us!

BTW, since we just celebrated April Fool’s day (my favorite day) I wanted you to know that it is celebrated in France as “Poisson d’avril” (Fish of April) when the French try to attach a paper fish to one’s back. Although the original celebration of fool’s day did not come from France, it has been celebrated here since the 1500s.

Gobble gullible

There are cars and then there is Rolls Royce.

There is caviar and then there is Beluga.

There is turkey and then there is “dinde de Bresse”

Ellen read these phrases as she was trying to find special recipes and information on the turkey (the expensive turkey) that I had bought from one of the butcher shops in town.

I had gone to a butcher shop on Wednesday wondering if I would be able to order a turkey for Christmas. We had invited a friend to come for dinner and we wanted to cook an American-style dinner. We thought it would be fun to repeat the wonderful menu we had in Paris at Thanksgiving. I was relieved when the woman behind the counter said that I could still order a turkey and that I would need to pick it up on Friday before they closed. I gave her my name and left the shop.

On Friday, I went to the grocer to get Clementines and then to the butcher shop to pick up the turkey. I told Ellen that I was also going to stop at the barbershop if they weren’t busy. When I got home, Ellen noted: “You didn’t get a haircut.” I replied: “No, I got fleeced! I picked up our turkey and it cost almost as much as our apartment!” Ellen opened the package and showed me that the turkey was tied with a cute red bow. Not only had it arrived with the head still attached, it was numbered and had an “AOC” tag.  AOC stands for “Appellation d’Origine Contrôllée” and is a guarantee that the product – be it wine or cheese or even this turkey – comes from a specific region and in that region, one obtains the “AOC” tag only if one meets the defined standards. One of our friends said that at the butcher shop, AOC really means “American is coming. Raise the price!”

I have calmed down since Friday morning. Time permits perspective and mine has permitted me to think about how humorous (ludicrous?) the episode was. I will never again place an order at the butcher shop – or any store – without asking the price per kilo/price per pound. Had I taken the time to do that, I would never have ordered the turkey I felt compelled to purchase. I would have willingly purchased one of the fresh birds available at the supermarket. (Turkey is not #1 on the French Christmas dinner menu. Our friends said that they would more likely have duck or lamb but would rarely think of having turkey for Christmas.)

As I calmed down and Ellen read a few recipes to me, I began planning the cooking of the turkey. At this point, I was no longer blushing about my error, but I was still upset enough that when I unwrapped the turkey again, I had to cut off the head (while thinking to myself: “I paid for this!?!”) The turkey came with the cavity filled with sausage stuffing (“I paid for this!?!”). Turkey in France is generally leaner with less white meat and less fat but this bird from Bresse was at least 10% fat (“I paid for this!?!”) We started talking about finding ways to use the bones after we made stock out of the carcass so that I could begin to think that I got my money’s worth.

I told my sister Sue about the turkey-purchasing episode and before the bird was even done, she had sent the following poem.

Turkey in the barnyard, what does he say?
  Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble all day.
Turkey in Vaison, what did he say?
  I got here but you're gonna pay.
Turkey in our tummies, what did we say?
  We could've gone to Paris for a day.

She then added: “What can you make from leftover turkey BRESSE?  Turkey hash, turkey casserole, turkey soup, and, as they do here in the south, don't forget the turkey feets!!!  We hope you enjoy every golden bite.”

I hope your holiday meal was as joyful and tasteful but less expensive than ours. 

Work clothes?

We helped Margaret and Phil paint the shutters (les volets) on the front windows of their home. As we were getting ready to go there, I realized that I had not brought old/work clothes to France. I found a pair of pants that I had last year (too large) and a long-sleeve shirt that is also too large. We spent the next few hours painting and we did a good job of turning the medium-blue shutters into a dark blue.

The concept of needing work clothes is sort of foreign to me here. I might need to amend my list of reasons why I love France to include NOT working. We had fun helping with their chores but the idea of needing “work” clothes is one aspect of my wardrobe that I completely ignored – and I think the plan to avoid work works (mostly).

My time at the crèche has never been “work” for me – I have too much fun with the kids and the staff. Confucius (I think) said: “Give a man a job that he loves and he will never work again.” That is how I feel about going to the crèche for my volunteer time.

As for the staff, one of the teachers invited us to come to a play in which she performed. The play was called: Exercises de Style by Raymond Queneau and includes a number of skits describing the same two scenes. Ellen was afraid that it was going to be clever nuances and plays on words beyond our French skills but the performance contained very funny and very understandable skits. For instance, there were two women – one English or American talking in French with an Italian woman – both with very accurate accents. There was the church choir that sang the description of the two events as well as an operatic duet in which the singers described the events to an aria from Carmen. There was the jogger’s description, the vamp’s description and, Ellen’s favorite: the person with a tooth ache who tried to describe the two events through a mouthful of cotton… VERY funny! (and we didn’t have to work to enjoy it.)

HAPPY...

We are going to Cairo for the holidays. We have heard that the reindeer there look more like camels than caribou but they will help guide us in delivering our sincere holiday wishes to everyone.

Joyeux Noël

Merry Christmas

Happy Hanukah

Happy Solstice

Bonne Année

May 2010 be filled with peace and love.

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Fashion Police

Everyone knows that I have no right to make observations about fashion. I consider myself “à la mode” when my socks match. Nonetheless, I have admired French fashions that we encounter everyday. Evidemment, Vaison la Romaine is not Paris and fashion is more casual here than there but it is not “à la mode mid-ouest” either.

One of the most enduring, albeit surprising, fashion statements is Converse Allstar basketball shoes. I am referring to “high tops” though young adults – men and women – wear low ones as well. These were the basketball shoes of choice when I was in high school (back in the days when a peach basket with the bottom missing served as the basket.) You can get “Chuck Taylor” Allstars in canvas or leather; in almost any color you want; with designs printed on the shoes or not… There aren’t a lot of people my age wearing Converse Allstars but I suspect that it is because the shoes don’t accommodate orthotics well. (Our French teacher was wearing a pair – red leather - today!)

The second most common footwear among women is high boots with high heels and pointed toes. (Toes with such acute points that one could kill the spider in the corner…) One rarely sees plain leather boots. The boots need straps or buckles or laces or zippers or combinations of all of those…

Falling from the fashion charts are Puma athletic shoes though I still see them fairly often. These are Puma track shoes – very light with what appears to be very little structure but with the Puma trademark stripe/swoosh on the sides.

A definite “This is an American” marker is a pair of Nikes or Adidas or Reebooks or any of the footwear that Americans wear less as a fashion statement and more as a “fitness” statement (though there is a limited – if any – correlation between fitness and what one wears on one’s feet.)

Ten years ago, Ellen objected to my plan to bring jeans to France as part of my wardrobe. TIMES HAVE CHANGED. Jeans are ubiquitous (I think that means expensive). The more expensive, the better… One way to earn money here in France would be to bring American jeans and sell them in the market. Levi Strauss, Lee and Wrangler are all very popular here – and cost about three times as much as in the states. French boys wear their jeans just like American teens – baggy and defying gravity. Women wear TIGHT jeans. The majority of women wearing jeans are so thin that their inner thighs don’t touch. Both young men and young women seem to like jeans with extra details like zippers as closures for pockets, laces, rhinestones, embroidery…

If women are wearing skirts or dresses, the skirts will most likely be black and often will have irregular hems – points rather than straight hems. It seems that the mode this year is to take different fabrics, piece them together and then sew them as a dress or skirt – and then adorn the creation with buttons or laces or rhinestones… The exceptions to straight hems are sweater dresses – or just sweaters – that fall centimeters below the butt line… Whether it is jeans or slacks or skirts or dresses, women use belts (huge, wide, ornate belts) to complete the statement.

I am surprised how often people have shirts or sweatshirts or blouses or sweaters that have an American logo or an American expression on them. Women’s tops have to be designed to show off the lingerie for which women seem to spend a fortune. Given the number of lingerie shops in Vaison la Romaine, I would venture a guess that a good foundation is second only to good eyesight (there are more optical shops than any other type of boutique.) French people/Europeans seem to buy dramatic glass frames that shout “Hey! Look at me!”

The scarf is the final touch to a complete look. Scarves are more prevalent than jeans though equally expensive. In one sense, it seems counter-productive that, after putting together lingerie and a top, a woman will cover both with a scarf – but scarves do keep you warmer. Speaking of warmer, since we have spent the winter here, we have seen a lot of hats. Berets are extremely popular (duh!) for both women and men. For men, hats with brims seem to be the most popular, but baseball caps are gaining popularity.

So, if you are wearing black and/or Chuck Taylors, smile! You ARE à la mode!

France Telecom & Orange: Seeing Red

You have reached the service desk of Orange/France Telecom. If you are calling about a domestic phone, press “1.” If you are calling about a business line, press “2.” If you would like to speak to an agent who speaks English, press “JAMAIS” (Never.) You will not be charged for this call as long as you are calling from a phone for which you have a contract. All agents are busy right now. You may want to try to resolve your problem by using our “on-line assistance” service. Your call will be answered as soon as an agent becomes free. Please know that this call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes.

“Can you help me, please? We get a bill for telephone from France Telecom and another bill for internet from Orange but I thought that the two companies were together – that we would get one bill for telephone and internet.”

“If you want the two bills together, you need to tell us. Are you requesting that we combine the services?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. From now on, you will see that you will have one bill that will include both phone charges and internet charges.”

Three weeks later…

You have reached the service desk of Orange/France Telecom. If you are calling about a domestic phone, press “1.” If you are calling about a business line, press “2.” If you would like to speak to an agent who speaks English, press “526247 for JAMAIS” (Never.) You will not be charged for this call as long as you are calling from a phone for which you have a contract and we find your call interesting. All agents are busy right now. Your call will be answered as soon as an agent becomes free but, of course, all agents are at lunch and will not return until 14:00 hours. You can wait if you want but we suggest that you call back when we are busy. You may want to try to resolve your problem by using our “on-line assistance” service which is available 27/4 (27 minutes per day, four days per week – though we will never tell you which days). Please know that this call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes.

“Thank you for your assistance during my last call. I still have a question. You combined the billing format online—though you are still billing me separately for each service, of course--but the phone charges remain the same. I thought that the phone bill would be lower.”

“The only way to reduce the phone bill is to use the telephone-over-the-internet service. That way, you will be able to maintain your unlimited long distance calling but the cost will be part of your internet bill and you will be able to reduce your land line phone charges. Would you like me to change that on your service plan?”

“Yes.”

“Please use the instructions that came with your internet connection to add the phone to your internet service and thank you for using Orange/France Telecom.”

“Thanks.”

Three weeks later…

You have reached the service desk of Orange/France Telecom. You will not be charged for this call as long as you are calling from a phone for which you have a contract and we find your call interesting or not as stupid as your last call. If you are calling about a domestic phone, press “1.” If you are calling about a business line, press “2.” If you would like to speak to an agent who speaks English, press “526247 for JAMAIS” (Never.) All agents are busy right now. Your call will be answered as soon as an agent becomes free but, of course, all agents are at lunch and will not return until 14:00 hours. What did you think would happen when you called at 11:00 AM? It is, after all, lunch hour in Cairo. You can wait if you want but we suggest that you go online and use our online services. Our agents prefer online assistance especially when your computer problems relate to “failure to connect to the internet.” That usually delays your phone call by 30 to 45 minutes. Please know that this call may be recorded for our amusement .

“I need your help again. Friends have told us that they have called our phone but we have not answered (because we never heard the phone ring). I have followed all of the instructions on how to repair the service but end up not understanding the answers.”

“You are calling us from 04 90 ……. which is your land line. You should be using the phone number for the internet line.”

“I thought that by combining contracts, we would also combine phone numbers so that we could use either the internet line or the land line with the same phone connections. But your diagnostic shows that I use either a land line connection or an internet connection. Every time I use the internet connection, it interrupts internet service and it is at those times that friends report that they cannot call us.”

“Well, your friends can’t call you when you have your phone set up for internet calling and they are calling your land line phone number. You will have to ask your [so-called] friends to call on the new internet-based phone number. And furthermore, our records show that you don’t have any friends. Please know that when you use your land line for international calling you will have to pay for it at our usual long-distance rates.”

“We understand paying for long distance at the usual rates, we have seen our bill on-line uncombined so we also know that “usual” means “high” rates. What is the solution?”

“Buy another phone. Then you can have one phone that answers internet-based calls and the other that answers land line calls. Thank you for letting us at Orange/France Telecom serve you.”

“What number do I press to begin swearing in English? “